I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
