Your dad touched me again.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
