She is in my trunk
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
