he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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