we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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