"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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