We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
