my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
