did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
