I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
