I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
