We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
