i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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