i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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