Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
