just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
