lets start a swedish sibling band together
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
