Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize