I wanna bring you to show and tell
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It's official drugs can't kill me
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
