I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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