I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
