Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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