yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
