Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
