You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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