I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.