I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more