Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life