My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.