WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves