He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?