someone threw a dead crab at me
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.