I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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