i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
