i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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