you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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