Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
