He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
