She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
