my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So much Jack, so little girl.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
