I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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