I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
