dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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