The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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