so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I will pee on everything he values.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
