She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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