can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
