so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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