To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
