God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
