Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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