You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
