Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
