You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I didn't shave. On purpose
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
they're like a gay fantastic four
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
