thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
