You made me cry and you don't even care
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
