His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
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