I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
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You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
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They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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