She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
