I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
