walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
