fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Also, beer. Big fan.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
