he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
