My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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