It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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