I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
