They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
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sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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