Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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