the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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