My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
