If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
