you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
