i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
