I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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