So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
